|
It seems that there is always some sort of discussion on what to call parts of the triad. I am also of the persuasion that I only have one mom. She is the one who raised me. However, I understand that my bmom also loved me, and "mothered" me for over nine months in the womb, and then for several weeks at the hospital. And I know that she loved me, even though we were apart. And I respect that, and I love her for who she is to me, but she is not my mom.
I have a bcousin (actually we are second cousins, but she was extremely close to my bmom) who would get upset with me when I would correct her when she called my bmom, "your mom", and I would have to say you mean, "D"? I have a mom. She would get soo upset and say, why do you always have to point out that you have parents...I know that! And as much as I tried to make her understand, she just wouldn't.
Well a few weeks ago I happened to be in the building she works at, so I stopped in to see her. She introduced me to her boss and let's just say we spent the next two hours in an almost "counseling" session..lol The boss, however, made a major point. She told the bcuz, that she had no right to expect me to call my bmom, mom, and that if that is not what I wanted her to be refered to concerning me, she should respect that. She made the point that the word, Mom, has an EMOTIONAL attachment to it for many people. And that even though she isn't adopted, she was not able to call her MIL, Mom, because she had a Mom. I really think that that has helped both the bcuz and me to see that for ME the actual word MOM has an emotional connotation to it that only allows me to call MY mom, Mom.
And to be honest, I think that the whole question you originally asked, boils down to that. The emotional attachment we feel both towards our bmoms, amoms, and the words themselves. We can not force anyone to feel something they don't, or be something that they don't want to be to us. We can not let other people's opinions decide what is best for us. We just have to search our hearts and do what is right for us...
|