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Originally Posted by Renda
Scarletmoon,
What I was trying to say was,
Yes I agree that DNA has a strong part of our makeup, looks, mannerisms etc as you describe.
But what I want to emphasise is the effect of nurture, and it has been proven to be very strong also effecting the way we think etc.
How can I have the same way with life that my a mother had?, that's purely from being with her almost all my life, my other sister says often "you are just like mum". All that can only be down to nurture.
We also can pick up other things from parents (a) as I now of a woman who has a very deep voice, that came about through a throat problem, her bio daughter who has been brought up with her has the same pitch of voice exactly and it is not due to genetics at all. That is just a small example of how we are effected when growing up with people.
Yes Dna has effects of course, but nuture and growing up with people can also have the same strong effect.
renda
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We can train voices, singers do it all the time. But if a singer uses a lower register for their voice too long it can ruin what nature gave them, and it can become permanent. Threre are lots of people that happens too. Yelling can lower the voice, booze, smoking, trauma.
Nurture is important. No one is saying it isn't. But it is shocking how much of us is automatic, built in, some things we don't control, some things about us can be forced to change.
I did not expect my birth son to be anything like me at all. I have to say I was even surprised how much he looked like his younger brother, and they have different fathers.
Yes, we do take on some mannerism of the people we live with and around. If you are born in Canada, but grow up in Mississippi, you will talk with a southern accent not a Canadian one. If you are raised drinking tea you may prefer it, or just drink it because everyone else does.
My mother drank and was mean when drunk. I don't drink alcohol and even when I tried it when I was young. wasn't ever mean, silly but not mean.
We are what we are. That is OKAY, adoptive parents know their children may be different then they are. Yes they may pick out things to say my daughter does this just like me or that just like her dad. Often adoptees make an effort to be more like the adoptive parents, it is human nature to please, to fit in.
When I met my son his mom, a wonderful woman, remarked how people said their smiles were similar. I said that was wonderful, but I thought, he has my smile exactly. But I would not for the world hurt her by saying so. But she did notice when she met my younger son that they looked alike, had pictures alike.
Oh, even had baby pictures in the same, almost exactly the same outfit. Did we just shop at the same store, or maybe just the same taste in baby clothes.
Anyway, YES nurture can be the changing point in any child's life. But sometimes, no matter how good a parent you are, the child bio or adopted, will do whatever the darn well please.