...all things that I have been called in past relationships.
As an adoptee, I wonder about possible abandonment & attachment issues [I've read the
Primal Wound].
I have been dating my current boyfriend, Dan, for one year on May 4th. The next step - YAY - will be relocating somewhere where the economy is better than here in NY [ha!] and eventually marriage. Prior to this relationship, I dated the same man for almost six years. He was a drug user, an alcoholic & lacked motivation and ambition...but I loved him anyway.
Before I met Dan, I was very guarded about sharing my adoption with guys that I dated because I was afraid that I would scare them off. I am so thankful that Dan is supportive!
BUT - I find myself to be the following in romantic relationships, and it concerns me a little I guess & I am wondering if anyone else can relate:
- Exceptionally clingy at certain times - the "please don't go," Stage-5 Clinger type of stuff.
- I sometimes try a little TOO hard because I feel like I absolutely HAVE to or my partner will leave me.
- I occasionally have trouble when Dan goes out of town for a few days - case in point, I haven't heard from him in almost 24 hours [he is in Boston for the Red Sox baseball games until tomorrow night] and I am starting to be very worried...it is unlike him to go more than a day without sending, at the very least, a text message, especially because he knows that I am a worrier!
- I am often jealous and feel intimidated and threatened by other females.
- I am insecure - is the you-know-what okay? Am I pretty enough? Am I a good enough cook? Yada yada yada.
- In previous relationships, I've equated sex with love...which, of course, complicated everything & confused me.
These are just a few examples - my concern is that I am so emotionally craving an emotional connection that, in the past, I have allowed myself to participate in destructive relationships because of my inherent fear that I will be abandoned.
After a year I am just now really beginning to feel a sense of security in my relationship - a feeling that this is a forever thing, I can relax a little, and that Dan isn't leaving. It's all very complicated! I just wonder if other adult adoptees can relate to this.