Okay, I realize I'm crazy late in chiming in here (only a couple of days really, but for pages worth of action!) and so I thought I should answer the questions before I tackled some of the discussion as well...
Quote:
|
1. Is OA truly better for a child?
|
I think in an ideal world with ideal situations, yes. It's taken me a long time to get to this belief, but I think that's where I am for now. However, as we all know, and as many of us live, an ideal world with ideal situations don't much exist. Here's what I DO know. I'm a good person. Knowing me will not harm my daughter in any way that I can control. I firmly believe that children are as confused as the adults around them. The reality of my daughter's life is that she has a Mom and that she has me. As long as her Mom and I are a united front in her life and her story, I think she'll be a better person because of it.
Easy to say now when she's only seventeen months though...
Quote:
|
2. Is Closed truly harmful for a child?
|
I don't think it's that it's truly harmful per se....I really don't. I was on board to have an open adoption and was talked out of it, so clearly I didn't think it was something that would harm my daughter! BUT, I think it does have the opportunity to make things harder, as we often see with adoptees that are searching today.
Quote:
|
3. Are parents involved in an OA more "worthy" or viewed as the only ones having their children's best interests at heart better than those who are not in an OA? (applies to both aparents & bparents)
|
I think parents need to do what's going to be best for them and for their family. I also think they need to take into account the role of their adopted child in the family and consider what they truly believe is in that child's best interest. I respect a couple that know their capabilities in adoption and choose that CA is best for them FAR MORE than a couple that goes blindly into an OA for a shorter wait time only to close the adoption on any level once the reality of the situation kicks in.
I'm not going to judge worthiness of parents, that's most certainly not my place. If parents choose CA then they have a reason and that doesn't necessarily make them suspect in my eyes! Although, in the interest of COMPLETE disclosure, there are reasons I hear about seeking CA that make me want to roll my eyes. I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's the things like "Well if it's not closed then the bmom may come back to steal the baby!!" I'm not rolling my eyes at valid reasons
Quote:
|
4. Do we push more for OA and if so...what are the main reasons we do so?
|
Considering that I was someone that was pushed into an OA, I suppose my answer is going to have to be yes! I was pushed into an OA because that's what DD's Mom wanted. She'd done a lot of research and that was her "greatest hope" for A. Who was I to say no to that?? This woman was telling me it was going to be what was best for this perfect little baby I had just brought into this world! Well of course I wanted the best for her! And if OA was it, then I was, albeit slightly reluctantly, on board. After that I did my own research, read my own books, and saw the light...it made sense. Although I'd be lying if I didn't say that there are still days where it scares the heck outta me...where I'd like to crawl under the covers that I thought CA would provide. But here we are, and here I shall stay.
In general? I think there are a lot of reasons OA is pushed for - some are good, and I think some are bad. I think some aren't pure reasons, that some are even unethical. I think OA should definitely be an option that is discussed, and that education is provided for - to BOTH parties.
Okay, and now I catch up and actually participate!