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I think OA can be a wonderful thing for those who wish to pursue it in good faith, and knowing up front, the challenges that it brings, and having the maturity to work through those challenges. To deliberately set up an OA just to create problems after the fact for the aparents or the child is definitely not right, but I don't believe most bmoms go into it with these types of motives in mind. It can also work the other way, where the aparents promise openness, and later close it, thus devastating the bmom.
OA was not an option for me when I placed. It started to become an option a few years after. I remember feeling sad about it, at first, that it wasn't an option, but after giving it more thought, I came to the conclusion that it was better I did not have OA, for some of the reasons you bring up. I know myself fairly well and I would have wanted to co-parent my child. It would bother me, I think, to see the aparents raising him, and create too much tension in me, that would then put my son in the middle. In a lot of ways, I like to have control, to be the leader. I don't think, at that time, I would have had the emotional maturity to step back and keep my mouth shut! I also had issues going on in my biological family that I did not want my son exposed to.
Every OA can not be painted with the same brush, though. Things can go terribly wrong in any type of scenario, whether it be open, semi, or closed, and of course, the media are going to pick the most sensational stories. It's really impossible to say which is best because it all depends on the people involved and what they can handle. I hope my son is fine with our semi-open arrangement, but who knows? Maybe he longed for more openness or maybe he wouldn't have minded if it was closed. I won't know until I meet him and can ask him that question.
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