I'm an adoptee in a closed adoption also. But I wouldn't consider myself an expert - or even claim to be mildly knowledgeable - about open adoption.
It seems as though you're very angry. You refer to your biological family as "wacko." What are the circumstances surrounding your contact with them? Who contacted who?
Personally, I am thankful that my adoption was a private and closed adoption. I agree with you to some degree in regards to the confusion that would arise as a result of having to build & maintain a relationship with biological AND adoptive parents. I find it almost offensive to suggest that the biological mother in the "20/20" episode wanted to have a "fun, happy time" with "none of the responsibilities." Can you imagine relinquishing a child for adoption? I can't. To assume what kind of intentions this woman had is mildly offensive, you know? I did not see this particular episode of "20/20," but I am sure that there is more to the story.
Quote:
|
It was as one father said she want no responsibilities, wants us to foot the bills, but wants almost total involvement.
|
If this is one of the prospective adoptive father's who met with Jessica, he seems as though he has no idea what open adoption entails if he is surprised that Jessica wants "almost total involvement." To my knowledge, in many OA's, the adoptive family shares not only pictures and letters with the biological mother, but they often have visits & contact throughout the child's life. In many circumstances, the adoptive couple agrees to pay for the biological mother's medical expenses right up until the child is born and relinquished. That right there is the very definition of OA - - so if this guy is surprised about Jessica's request to be involved in this child's life, he better go back and do more thorough research on OA vs. closed adoption.
Here's the thing: IF you choose OA over closed adoption, you go in [or, at least you should] with the understanding that biological mother will potentially want contact with your family. I am positive that there are adoptive families who regret this decision in hindsight because they may feel as though the biological mother or her family are "interfering," as you phrased it. Legally, though, the biological mother has the option of contacting the family & the child, and vice versa, and there are legal documents to prove this...so, to come back months or years later and complain about an "interfering birthmom" seems ignorant and trite to me. I just don't get it. There has to be more to this story.
You never felt abandoned - - that's a blessing for you. I have an incredible family, and I am thankful that I have had such amazing and loving parents. But you know what? Sometimes, a little part of me feels abandoned by my biological mother...and I'm not the only adoptee in a closed adoption who feels this way. I feel happy for you that you never had to experience this.
I am COMPLETELY for open and accessible records in every state in the U.S. and, at the same rate, I am mindful of the privacy and respect that biological mother's deserve. You "thank god" for the right in certain states to terminate the openness of an adoption. I think that is a shame. In certain situations where, for instance, a biological mother poses a threat to the family or the adopted child, YES, provide a restraining order or something to that effect. But to be able to simply cut off all contact because the adoptive family no longer feels like participating in an open adoption?? It's hypocritical, irresponsible, and unfair. I am a huge advocate for the rights of adopted persons, but I am also keenly aware of the side of the biological mother.
I truly wonder if there will be resentment on the part of this young adopted child. There may be, and there may not be. OA is, to my knowledge, is a choice that more and more adoptive families are seeking out - there must be a reason for this, and my guess is that many OA's work and function and foster well-developed, well-adjusted adopted children. Something to think about!
I, too, think that more focus needs to be placed on adopting the older child. It takes an amazing and special person to adopt an older child! I just don't think it makes them superior to an adoptive family who is matched with an infant.
Quote:
|
Think very carefully about an open adoption.I personally think it does a lot more harm than good.Even though the families said they were great with it, the adoptive parents didn't really look to happy with it, but they were desperate.
|
Let's face it - the media shows us what we want to see. Or it skews reality to make for a better, juicier story. No one truly knows how this specific adoption story will turn out. We saw snippets of interview with this adoptive family. To call them "desperate" is, in my opinion, a poor choice of words. They, like millions of other couples who choose to adopt, wanted a child. Is it possible that, for them, their OA really IS great??
I guess I am just confused as to your position on this subject - were you angry because this young woman seemed irresponsible and you felt as though she made a mockery out of adoption? Are you advocating for older-child adoption? I appreciate your opinions & agree with some of what you have to share but your post seems like there is anger and frustration behind it, and I just wonder where it comes from.