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Nick -- thanks for sharing your story. I am not crushed as a AP to hear your views. You are being honest! And I believe your views and comments are completely justified. At 4 or 5, this had to be completely devastating to you especially because of all the "unknown" and "unexplained." You have to be an incredibly strong person!!!
I thought I understood you to say you were searching for your birthmother? I hope so and I hope you locate her so that you can talk and find some answers.
My DD was 13 wks old when she came to me. But I still believe she will have a void for her birthmother and birthfamily. I located them and started contact while she is 2 so that she can know, see and love her birthmother too. This doesn't take away her love for me and I know that. ( however, as a AP I am not necessarily the "wisest" or most patient or the best either!) But I do love my daughter with all my heart and can't imagine my life w/o her in it.
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