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Hello...
Hi,
I'm new here, and while it's very interesting to read the debates on here I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I shared my story as a adoptee of an open adoption.
I was the last child of three born to my birthmother, and the only child to be given away. My Adoptive parents were always upfront and honest with me about my adoption, which I was always thankful for. I had all of the illustrated kid books, "why was I adopted?" etc. and although I was raised as an only child, by my adoptive parents, it was always interesting to know that I was really--not alone in my journey.
Growing up I had no contact with my biological family besides the pictures and letters my birthmother would send to us on every holiday and on my birthday.
I guess at about 10 or so I hit puberty (early, I know) and it was at this point that I became really angry about my adoption. I began to feel chaotic about my inside feeling about the whole thing. It was tiring to explain to people about being an adopted child--about having sibilings, but not knowing them. About not knowing what my ethnicity was, or where my birthfamily was from--just really only knowing that these letters came every few months--and there were pictures of happy kids that looked just like me --taking vacations and enjoying new cars and having great fun with one another. I couldn't add up the details of what or why, really I was given away
When I was 15 my adoptive mother and my birthmother decided that since we lived so close, and were in the internet age where really, acessibility to one another was literally a mouse click away--that it was time for us to just meet and get all of this formality over with.
Now--I cannot stress this point enough
15 is a terrible age for pretty much every kid, and being at that terribly awkward stage in my life and meeting my birthfamily was really--really--probably not the easiest way to do it. But, there it went.
I happen to have a gigantic biological family--and everyone was curious to meet me, tell me who I looked like, who I sounded like, where my talent came from etc. Which at the time--was all very exciting for me--because, naturally a kid wonders where or what her or she came from always. Now older looking back, I understand their excitment and tendancy to want to "reclaim" their lost family member--however, I really don't appreciate or welcome it with open arms.
I am at the beginning of my adult and I am now beginning to find all of this family stuff terribly confusing and uncomfortable--now more than ever.
I struggle to maintain or understand connections between families, what that means, how it works--I do not regret being adopted--however at some of my lowest points--I wish things were very simple and different.
I guess my main bones of contention--or rather my questions for anyone who is a child of open adoption--older than me--is things I fear in my future.
How do you explain your extended family and experience to your children? Do you have or maintain a relationship with your biological families? I've really only noticed 1 user who seems to feel like they've had a truly positive experience as an adopted child--I'm just wondering--why? How do you stay positive and continue to feel that way? And for the female adoptees--do you feel that you are able to have true romantic relationships with people--without keeping your guard up? Or subconciously fearing abandonment?
I feel like ultimatly, i've been dealt a pretty good hand--it's just that i'm having a hard time understanding how to grow into my adoption--as well, a grown up. I'm tired of feeling angry, upset, sad, jealous of people who don't have to deal with these feelings, or jealous of people who can make their feelings neat and concise...Really, i'm just looking for a little support which, for the first time ever, can come from people who were kids not just like, but at least kind of like me.
Thank you for your eyes and ears
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