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One of the things you can do is find a counselor, or minister, or someone you trust that could talk with you about your feelings, I am a recovering addict, I found in my program it helped me to trust a friend who I called a sponsor, she was there for me through everything, she didn't judge me while I was working on the 12 steps. I also found alot of comfort in talking to a minister, my father was a minister before he died. I was very angry at God for alot of years, I felt God took my dad away before he should have. but as I worked through the 12 step program I learned how to turn my anger into a positive emotion, I started to trust a family friend who was a minister, he reassured me that God loved me even when I was doing the drugs, I still get angry at myself for all the bad choices that I made in the past, I do give myself permission to do that as long as I don't hurt myself or anyone else. It isn't healthy to keep the anger inside. I remember the doctor's used to tell my son when he was little to punch a pillow on the bed when he got angry. My son had an anger problem since he was very little, the reason for punching the pillow on the bed was so he wouldn't get hurt, and at the same time he was letting his anger out. I don't know if this will help you or not, but these are the things that always helped me. Remember you do have the right to be angry, just don't hurt yourself or anyone else by holding the anger inside. Talk to someone about it. I can't tell you where your mother is or why she is being silent, all I can do is share my experience with you. I am looking for my son, I know one day we will be reunited and I pray that we can work through all the pain and anger that I know he will have. He was 10 yrs old when I lost him, his sister was 7 yrs old, they were old enough to know who I am. I am hoping one day soon we will be back together as a family.
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