[ReOcB42008]

I was raised by an abusive, manipulative, controlling a-"family" and would like to ask a question. How valid is a promise if the person who asks for it is lying about what they will give in return - AND how long should a promise last - especially one that was given in return for a lie? The issue is this -my adoptive a"mother" always told me that my birthmother promised that she would never "interfere" with me after my parents adopted me. In return I'm sure that the a-parents promised that I would have a loving, safe home. I did NOT receive that so am angry that my birthmother seems to be keeping up her end - even though I just turned 50 this February. It makes me angry that she does not join any of the mail or internet reunion groups. I don't want to face rejection by actively trying to search for her (even though I have joined every reunion posting group - mail and internet - that I can find). I wrote this tonight after - AGAIN - trying to explain this to another poster.

THE PROMISE
By Mary Jo Marvin (birthname)

"...she promised that she would never interfere with you." I was told.
My heart cries out "I WANTED you to "interfere" - take me into your fold.
How much is a promise worth, especially when it is over 50 years old?
Should it be kept, even though it turned out to be fake, fool's gold?
It was CONTROL, not love that the promise wrought.
Physical and emotional pain, instead of a loving "Home", was bought.
Never good enough, not even as a maid,
told, you OWE us - for over $500 we PAID!"
I finally grew into myself, broke the chain,
and turned my back on the ones who caused such pain.
Trying to be ME,
though years of conditioning make that very hard to be.
Now, for a 50th year I wait, searching for a sign,
hoping for a REAL promise,
- someone to call me "loved" not "Mine!!!"