[Oceans]

Crick – If I’m honest, my knee jerk reaction to CA, in a regular domestic adoption, no special circumstances, let’s not get into semantics sort of way is that it is “bad” (for lack of a better word). That’s my emotional response – can’t help that. I am working on the logical response.

However when I think of “closed” I think of complete veil of secrecy which was my experience as a first mom and you are right, that’s not necessarily CA these days.

As a step parent adoptee, I guess I had the next level of CA. I knew his name, state he lived in and able to ask for contact info if I wanted. That wasn’t stellar either. I cant help but feel even calls on my birthday (his responsibility) or handing me the phone to call him on his birthday… Something like that.... that would have improved the relationship I have with him today.

My (sort of) CA didn’t really impact me much of my early years other than I missed him. It’s my adult years that have felt the impact more than anything.

I am also fully aware it could be the “grass is always greener” syndrome.

I’ve mostly decided that I shouldn’t voice my opinion other than the regular PC answer, “do what is right for you”. I discovered in the past few days that I am pretty short sided on the issue (and that bugs me about me).

Here’s the thing tho… We really don’t know what to *fix* about adoption until 18, 20, or 30 years later – when the adoptees finally have a voice – and even then we have a hard time listening because so much has changed in the meantime. I think that’s probably the most frustrating thing when trying to figure out what’s best…We won’t know until years later…