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Wow! I don't know what to say.
I am a bmom and I did not tell the bfather while I was pregnant. I did tell him after the adoption was complete. Unfortunately, the agency said that it would be best if I did NOT inform the father!! But after I couldn't stand it and told him anyway, but the adoption was already complete.
I feel for you. I hope that the paternity test sheds some light on this for you. I can't imagine keeping that secret, but maybe the bmom told Noone, so she is afraid. Many bmoms are driven by fear and guilt.
If your DD is 21 she is now an adult. If she is your DD you have the right to get to know her. You can't expect to try to be her father, but maybe you could be friends and build a lasting relationship. That is what I am hoping for in my reunion.
good Luck and let us know how it turns out.
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