J: I can say I was/am lost in time. Not consciously, but certainly on a sub-conscious level. After 26 years, of knowing nothing, I now have a ton of information, a snapshot if you will, of my son's life. I know all sorts of grown up things about him and his life. I wasn't prepared for the leap from 3 days old to 26 years, thought I was, but I wasn’t...
Yes of course I knew he had changed... but somehow, my heart still wanted to (or thought I would) see the child.
Thankfully I realize this (or getting there anyway
) because I don’t want to sabotage my own reunion with false expectations. That said, there is definitely a part of me that wants pictures and stories from each year of his life. I want those things for many reasons but one of them is to help my heart "grow up" and start processing the logical progression of his life...
There may always be a part of me that is stuck in time because I don't have memories of his life. But by seeing pics and processing stories, I hope that I can make that part of me smaller.