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the best advice you can give someone who is going through this, is to refer them to the Special Needs Parenting Forum. It is amazing the amount of sheer genius exists in the advice I have received. In fact I contribute my and my dd's emotional stability and well-being and basic overall strength of our family to the members on those boards...In fact it's been SO helpful, that thus far we have completely avoided the need for any therapy ever, as every bit of advice has worked so well!
Not that I'd suggest that, but for us it works.
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