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Originally Posted by quantum
Parts of me enjoyed being pregnant. I enjoyed the relationship I had with my unborn baby. Is that weird?
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Quantum, I don't think it's weird at all. Bonding with our children in the womb is only natural. Like you, I enjoyed most of my pregnancy...well, except the morning sickness part and the fact that I kept fainting. But I've never felt as close to another human being in this lifetime as I did with my son. I have to confess, sometimes I even woke him up on purpose by rubbing my abdomen. I loved feeling him move and kick (except for the time he managed to kick some nerve up under my ribcage.)
I had been playing guitar for a few years by the time I became pregnant. I was big into the "folk scene" at the time and was singing at coffeehouses by the time I was 15. I played my guitar and sang to that boy for hours every day...he was my captive audience, lol! And I noticed a really funny thing ~ he had a definite preference for some songs over other's. My son was an active little guy in the womb, and he would often wake up just when I was going to sleep at night. I found that singing to him and playing my guitar would quiet him down, and he'd soon go back to sleep. He seemed to be soothed by "folk-rock" music, but he hated "hard rock". I had to quit going to rock concerts when I was about five months along in my pregnancy because he would just flail around inside me to the point that his kicking would literally take my breath away.
I talked to him all the time...sometimes they were just mental conversations. Nobody else knew I was talking to him. I remember being embarrassed when my aunt discovered me stroking my tummy one day. I had just decided to relinquish, so I was around seven months along. She just looked at me and asked me if I was talking to my baby. And I burst into tears. She was the only person during my entire pregnancy to ask how I felt toward my baby. Everybody else was acting like he wasn't my child, that he already belonged to his adoptive parents. And I guess I played along with that mindset. I kept my own feelings secret, so I felt that I had been "busted" when my aunt saw me caressing my unborn child.
There has been a lot of research into prenatal bonding, and I truly believe that a lot of us bmoms bonded with our children during pregnancy. When I first met my son's parents, his dad told me that when DS was a baby and toddler, he would stop dead in his tracks if he heard a certain song come on over the radio or stereo. They tell me that my son would stop whatever he was doing, sit up and stare at the radio. He would then get the saddest look on his little face, sometimes reaching out with his hands toward the radio. His dad said that he always wondered what the little guy was thinking during those moments. I think he was remembering on some primal level hearing me sing him those same songs while he was in the womb...