[lalgee]

10. Having to mentally subtract 1 - and then lie -when someone asks me how many children I have.
9. Not being able to tell anyone about "the secret" for fear of betraying the family.
8. Knowing my son is out there somewhere and that I'm not allowed to even know his name as if I'm some kind of monster who preys on children.
7. Feeling as if I am an imposter in every area of my life because I am hiding the most important life-changing personality-forming event of my life.
6. Knowing I am despised by the aparents after giving them my most precious sacrifice.
5. Worthlessness - always hovering over me like a black cloud
4. Sadness - always shrouding me like a wet blanket
3. Overwhelming despair and emptiness that can't be resolved and will never end
2. Closed records and not ever being allowed to have or see a copy of what I signed.
1. Everything is my own fault, of my own doing.