[KarynB]

Hi Saya,

I don't want to speak for Isabo here, but for me the difference is that in the first thread the responders were "hoping" their birthmothers would have a second pregnancy and have to relinquish. This does seem pretty cruel and highly insensitive - is there anything worse than losing a child, no matter how it happens? I think when we adopt internationally we are really shielded from the bmom's perspective - we didn't talk about this AT ALL with agency or SW. Very sad, and a real disservice to our kids.

Anyways, when you are taking on adoption #2 you are not really wishing that loss on anyone - but acknowledging that is does happen and you are willing to parent a baby if the birthmom/dad is unable for any reason. Subtle distinction, but very important. JMO, of course!

I don't think Isabo was in any way hurtful, etc to a parents - I think she is right in that many (especially in IO) don't stop to think of the tremendous and life altering loss this is for birthmom. Of course, many of us know nothing about our kids' birthparents due to abandonment etc - so maybe that is our excuse. But that doesn't change the profound loss in her life - made even more devestating by the fact that she'll never know that her baby is healthy, happy and well-cared for (hopefully). This realization has made me so incredibly sad on so many occasions...

Saya - I'd be happy to send you my paper and although it is a bit lengthy I can highlight to areas about birthmom's etc - thanks for your interest!