[cwilliams2]

When my husband and I first decided to adopt internationally, I was under the impression these children were "orphans" without a mother or father that were capable of caring for them. We commited to two girls which we were told were 6 and 8 years old and, the birth mom was dead. The father was incapable of caring for them and the thing that the youngest yearned for the most, was a "Mom". Since then, I had the opportunity to speak with the birthfather through a translator. It turns out, these girls are much older than we were told, 11 and 12, and their birthmom is very much alive! We met her on all 3 occasions we traveled to see the girls. She was introduced to us as the "sister-in-law". I always wondered why this woman could not fullfill the role of a "mother' to the girls being she was always with the father when we saw him. When I questioned the O director what the birthmom died from, she informed me that she died of breastcancer. The mother was sitting right there at the time! I know of two other families that were told the birthparents were dead, only to find out this was not true. One of the birthmoms is currently working at the Orphanage!
There have been several other red flags along the way. The father was allowed to believe he would be able to escort his girls to their new home so he could see where they would be living. When I questioned the director about this, I was reassured that it would never happen because he will never get a Visa. "But we will not be the ones to tell him that, we will let Immigrations do this, by then it will be too late to change his mind.". What?!!!
I also had the opportunity to see the birthparents living conditions and it was not at all what I would consider living in poverty! They have a stereo, TV, DVD player; I even have pictures of the two older sons playing video games! My suspicion is the father most likely believes he is sending his girls off to get an all expense paid education? Who knows what his motives are, he certainly appears to be able to care for them, at least provide their basic needs. They were not even yet living at the Orphanage when we first commited to them.
My question is how can these girls possibly attach to us as "parents" knowing they already have a family whom they love very much, but have chosen to "provide them with a better life" by placing them for adoption? How do we know what these girls have been told? If the adults involved have been snowballed, then most likely the girls have been misinformed as well? I hope there is someone out there that can give me some insight on our situation because no matter how hard I try, I cannot justify this adoption. Is this "normal" in the world of International Adoption? I always thought International adoption involved children living in an Orphanage, either without living parents or parents who simply could not provide their basic needs. I also thought these were typically closed adoptions. Now I am informed that I must be more open minded and need to broaden my definition of an "Orphan". Please, any comments will be welcomed with gratitude.