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I am an a-mom who has a son with RAD. He was only 4 1/2 months when we adopted him. I felt attachment to him long before he came home. Immediately he was my son. I held him, rocked him, sang to him, am a sahm, and did all of the loving mom things and probably even more. I have worked with children with special needs since I was a teenager and have a great understanding of special needs issues. My initial reaction was "HOW CAN THIS BE??? I'm a good mom. I LOVE him with all my heart and soul. How can he NOT love me????"
After learning about RAD and brain development I discovered that RAD is not at all what I thought it was. It is not simply the inability to attach and to love. My son is capable of loving in his own way and he does rely on us for many things including comfort to some degree. It is so difficult to explain. (J) is stuck in survival mode which was ingrained as an infant. With RAD there is an actual change in brain development.
(J)'s story is much different than yours I am sure but it is true that a child adopted in infancy can have RAD. A child adopted as a newborn still feels loss in my opinion. The first nine months of their life is spent with their firstmom. That is not to say that I am against adoption at all. We have been blessed with three beautiful children who were all adopted. For our children, their first families and us--adoption was the right answer. Still I believe with adoption whether in a healthy situation or not there is always a loss or an emptiness for the adopted child. I believe that open adoption is changing that to some degree though. Just my 2 cents.
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