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I think your anger at your bmom is valid. I think you have the right to be angry with her. The risk she put you in was not fair to you. It wasn't fair that you lost your amom at such a young age, and it's not fair that your adad has distanced himself emotionally. I think anyone in your shoes would be equally angry, and rightly so.
Having said that, I would emphatically encourage you to seek some kind of therapy as soon as possible. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead. What I don't want for you is to see you become consumed with or controled by the anger. It is so easy to let it take over and most people don't realize that anger has taken over their lives. They become comfortable in their anger, and it effects their lives mentally, emotionally, and physically. Life isn't fair, but it is what it is. People do things they shouldn't and they hurt others. Life is full of losses of all types. The challenge is in overcoming the circumstances in your life you have no control over. Dealing with the grief, anger, and pain isn't easy, and it's no fun at all, but it can be done. You will be the better for it. Seeing a therapis sounds so, oh, not cool, but it can make a huge difference in your life. Just having someone to whom you can say anything you want without being judged or worrying about their feelings is a very freeing thing. Trust me. I was 40 before I figured it out. Don't try to deal with this alone. There's nothing wrong with asking for a little help. We all need help sooner or later. It just takes some of us a little longer to admit it.
Considering your anger at the moment, I would not suggest searching for your bio mom at this time. I would encourage you to deal with your anger towards her first. Reunion is a very difficult thing, and the success of it will depend on the maturity and emotional state of all involved. Focus on yourself and becoming the person you were meant to be first. Then, when you feel you are ready you can decide if you want to find your bmom or just let it go. Good luck to you.
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