|
Lynne,
I am so sorry this is happening again. I was placed in my adoptive home at 21/2, adopted legally at 3 1/2. I was in 6 differnt foster homes so maybe came to my home "with baggage" but would never have thought of leaving my mom and dad for birthfamily. Even as a teen, as much as I wanted to know about them the thought that they were "family" and not my adoptive family would never have entered into my radar. Everyone and every situation is different, I geuss my personality and that of my parents meshed enough that I didn't feel the need to run, some adoptees maybe but I think that there are many that don't.
I do beleive that saying that "older" adoptees come with baggage is a generalization that portrays oldr adoptees as lacking in something...thats how I am taking anyway......its wrong.
Theonly thing that my mother said was that when she first got me I would stand in the cornere of the kitchen, between cabinets and just watch. i would hide my hands behind my back and just watch. she had to very gently try to coax me out of the corner. I must have been petrified. Was the problem that i was not with birth mother, no, I think it was because I was bounced around into 6 differnt foster homes. thats where the baggage might come in....lack of stability. My older brother wwas 4 years old when adopted, he didn't run to his birth family, my younger sister was 6 mo at adoption, she didn't run to birthfamily(she is also bipoler), my younger brother adopted at 10 days has the most problem with being adopted, expresses the most anger"she could't wait to get rid of me" was one of his comments. Even when it is expalined the reality of the situation...ie...young mother, no choices...he still feels the anger. According to mainline thinking on adoption he should be th most secure...he's not.
So my point...there is really no room for genralization. Unfortuanltly your daughter had a need to run..something tells me she would have had that even if not adopted..sometimes we are just born that way. Sometimes kids make parents cry and hurt( i have 5...bio....and no they haven't run away but they have hurt me at times)
|