[aspenhall]

I too tried to put myself in the amoms shoes, as far as what would make me do this...and I came up with some of the same things aclee wrote...but also...what if she is getting resistance from the DD or the Dad...and so she says what she wants but then is caught between her relationship with you and her relationship with the dad...he wants less contact and fights her when she wants to email you...etc...

I know I want WAY more openess with dd's bmom than my dh does...and all the time he gets upset at how long my emails are and how many questions I ask...Bmom never answers them anyway...but still...it could be that sort of conflict. Also she may be feeling pressure from outside family members...with the whole..give an inch and they'll take a yard argument...It does sound like she is scared...and even if YOU don't see yourself as the "other mom" if your b-dd sees you this way, and it causes friction then I can see amom being hesitant and pulling away...even though SHE may want the contact.
Plus, I can see why direct communication with b-dd would worry her, after SO LONG without any. I think, maybe you need to just email her with a date/time that will work for you and then call her...explain to her what you've explained to us, tell her how you feel. Perhaps try to reach the dad, and ask him to shed light on her contradictory behavior.

I'd bet anything that SOMETHING is scaring her...I just don't know what....but something is...

ONE LAST THING..... Knowledge is power....so subconciously she may feel hesitant to give you "power" and not realize even why she feels the way she does about emailing you back with info about DD's life. That being said...she may just feel very on the spot having to come up with what's going on...OR...she may feel guilty that she really ISN'T interested in your life...I know it was really hard to relate to my sister even, after I was married and she was still single...I didn't care about the things she cared about..and communication was strained for years...even though we had a GREAT relationship...