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I am a reunited adoptee and none of my bsiblings knew about me. I was a shock to them, some were disbelieving, one was upset because I look more like my bmom than the others do. But after time and the shock wore off we are one big family now. And that is what I really wanted to happen. It was so important for me to "belong".
Your sister may be feeling that way too. I know that you have described your feelings and everyone's feelings are of equal importance in this. But it also sounds like you are feeling a bit left out and betrayed. It also sounds as though your mom has all of the emotions she can handle right now and that may be why she doesn't want to hear anything from you. Reunions do take work no matter where you are in the triad. I have a friend who didn't tell her children until her son showed up as an adult. It was rough sailing for a while as birth order became displaced and feelings about a family secret this huge came out. It's been about 2 years now and everyone has worked hard and they have turned into a wonderful family.
I think it is good to explore your very valid feelings (even if your mom doesn't want to acknowledge them), find ways to deal with them yourself and this may possibly open the way to a wonderful relationship with your "new" sister.
Best wishes,
Snuffie
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