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Originally Posted by kakuehl
I appreciate the encouragement for bmoms to search. The problem sometimes is that each side is focused on her (his) own pain, making it difficult to see the other side. Unfortunately, it's very painful to realize that my child feels/felt abandoned when as a birth mother I have tried to make sure he's in a place where he's loved and cared for from day one.
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I am sure you did all you could at the time. That's exactly what I was trying to say to longtime. We can't change the past, and I am not here to judge anyone. But as an adoptee I feel that it isn't my responsibility to search, as a man I feel like it is almost like begging for a relationship. I have far too much pride to come crawling back. I have yet to start a "formal" search and after reading all the stories from bmoms that feel so bad about everything I wonder where's my mom? Why hasn't she contacted me? I wonder if she even remembers or cares. This is what prevents me from finding her, I can't handle any more bs or pain related to my adoption.
On a more positive note just discussing these issues makes me feel a little better. I know that I am not angry at her, but at the same time I wonder what could my life have been like if I was just like everyone else.