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Good advice from everyone so far.
Our OA is a lot more open than we thought we wanted going into it. My favorite analogy for it is that it's like getting in-laws. This little person that you love comes with some other family whose existence either is now or will someday be important to them. You find a way to get along for the sake of the child. Some inlaws are easier than others, and the same is true of birthfamilies. Sometimes it's necessary to set firm boundaries, sometimes it's not because everyone's respectful. They may be people you enjoy being around, or they may be people you have to struggle to find commonality with.
We've been lucky---H's families (ours is open on both bmom and bdad's side, with participation by extended family) are not too hard to get along with. They are probably not folks I would seek out for a friendship absent this relationship, but we have one overarching thing in common---we love H.
I can tell you the exact moment I knew we could manage an open relationship. I got to be in the delivery room when H was born. M, his bmom, was 19, scared to death, and is developmentally disabled. Her mother was holding her hand, helping her through the labor and all I could think of was wow---this must be so hard to go through this pain and know that at the end of it, you will not be bringing a baby home. You'll be sending him home w/ me and my husband, and you just met us last night. M's mom had tears streaming down her face and I saw how much she loved her daughter, and I just thought it would be wrong to deny H the opportunity to receive so much love.
I think that while open relationships are unique, the successful ones all have something in common----the parents (both birth and adoptive) put the child's interests before their own.
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