LOL TG, you can stand in anytime I'm off
(Seriously, you know my story)
Aclee, to answer your questions, all those things I have addressed. We didn't end contact as much as it drifted off, me being still a teen and scared and not sure of my role, a-mom not really knowing how to proceed and not wanting to overwhelm me, it just sort of ended. OA was still a new concept in society, never mind for us. And it was that way for 12 years. But she said if that happened I could come looking for them and she would always hold the door open.
In a year and a half now, I have been VERY consistant. One of the reasons I am so consistant and I am very worried to just walk away is so that I don't look unreliable. I'm not a child anymore, I am comitted to this, and I have both reassured a-mom of this and backed up my words with actions. I'm not sure how much longer I have to prove myself, honestly I feel shouldn't have to after this amount of time, but if she felt I needed longer, then heck, whatever, just tell me what I need to do.
I get the whole "only" mom thing in theory, but I'm not looking to fill a motherly role here. I'm not her everyday parent, this I know. I'm not looking to coparent, I'm looking to rebuild a relationship. SO no, my presence won't change that, she will always be her "Only" mom. These are again, things I have said and I have again, backed it up with action. Right now I'm not even looking for a relationship with DD. I have been told that she intends on honoring her promises. Being her "only" mom is not an excuse for not following through on her end. It's not an excuse to say one thing and do another. And no, she isn't living up to a lot of her promises. That's the problem.
It's interesting, it sounds like you are saying that for her not to follow up, it makes her scared about my intentions and makes her confused about her role, and that is to be expected, but my not following up makes me possibly "disconnected" and therefore maybe shouldn't have contact. What is the difference? Both will affect DD negatively. I'm not thrilled about the double standard, and I'd like to work through it, but I'm not given a chance.
And Oceans, to answer your questions, these issues came to the forefront when I asked about sending a card, but I've noticed them a bit since DD found out we were in contact.