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Your feelings are legitimate and definitely "normal", at least from my perspective (I'm also a bsibling). There doesn't seem to be a lot of support for us outside the 'triad'. I even tried counseling and it STILL ended up being all about 'how to support what your mother is going through' and 'how to support the adoptee'; no support whatsoever for the sibling(s) who also has had his/her life turned upside down and who are expected to pick up the pieces by themselves as well as be understanding, supportive, etc. to everyone else. The only difference between you and I is that I have ALWAYS known about my sister who was given up for adoption. She's been the ghost in our house all my life.
I know that it was a hole in my mother's heart for many years and she is much, much happier (or maybe more peaceful) since she knows the good & the bad of her decision. And I do know that she does still love me. And in many ways I am happy for her. But it doesn't negate the pain that I have gone through since their reunion, which is still unrecognized by any of them..
I've worked through a lot over the years. And I'm happy to answer any questions or try to help, if possible. I do hope that your mom soon recognizes that you are in this with her and learns that you need her support, just as much as she needs yours...
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