[Lilly's Mommy]

I second, third or fifth the statement that not every adoption can or should be an OA. If you are considering the possibility, I would definitely recommend some books to further the thought process. Some I found very helpful were:

The Open Adoption Experience (by Lois Melina)
Dear Birthmother, Thank You For Our Baby (cheesy title, but really looks at the "Birthmother Myths" that exist out there)
Adoption Without Fear (by James Gritter)

Our OA is quite open, but that is largely because we did "hit it off" with our daughter's birthmom. We talk on the phone every couple of weeks, and get together about every 6 weeks or so. It's not a "has to" situation at all. We just ended up liking each other. She in no way tries to be Lilly's mom, but is more like an aunt or special friend. She loves Lilly, but I'm mom.

I wholeheartedly agree with the advice of determining what you're comfortable with, committing to no more than that, and then letting things develop from there if desired. I think it was beneficial to have our facilitator walk us through a general outline for the first year, including what we all expected/wanted for visits, photos, special occasions, holidays, etc. That way we were all on the same page. We agreed that things may have to be adjusted based on either of our situations, but it did help lessen the initial stress to just know what we were shooting for.

Hope that helps answer your question...