[Stormster]

I have found from being on this site that there is no one way to have an open adoption. There can be many reasons. Geographical distance, other reasons one or the other parents arent' comfortable with visits, some people define just sending pics and letters as open whereas others consider that semi-open.

There are very open adoptions with lots of visits and direct communication between the birth parent and the child.

There are adoptions that evolve over time, like ours will, because of the life situations of the birth parents and because everyone kind of wanted to go with the flow.

I REALLY think open adoptions should be carefully defined. I see the pain of some of the birth mothers on this board, as well as the disappointment among adoptive parents who had hoped for more contact.

My fear is my son absorbing that his birth parents are a true part of his family and then have them disappear or disappear and return.

There is an answer but I don't think it's been formally outlined anywhere. You may want to draw something up and go over it with a social worker, friends, family or others on this site.

It is a real tragedy when one party thinks it means one thing and to the other it means something totally different. It can be a real nightmare so I do suggest outlining what it means to you after doing your research, discussing it with the EM and sticking to whatever is decided.

I think it is fair to have conditions. But I don't think it's fair to spring conditions on the birth parent mid stream...Good luck!