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Knitty, have you met her yet? I wonder if that may help?
I am married to an adoptee (and an adoptive mom to my DD). I don't know much about "reunions," except to say I have heard that sometimes at the beginning they are very "intense." And then usually things "calm down" a bit. I would be lying if I said that I can't imagine that there must be some jealousy there and yes, anger over not being told the truth.
I also think that I am very sure your mom was carrying a huge burden for so long and really can't help but be excited and relieved to be reunited.
Good luck! Your feelings seem "normal" to me, and I hope you can sort them out and things get better for you!
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