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Kitty,
I am a mom with one raised child and one placed for adoption. It was interesting to read your thread though neither of my children feel jeolous or displaced, both are secure in who they are and the position in the family in which they were raised. Maybe you feel boundaries have been crossed. It is definately an adjustment but is not being the oldest really the issue or is it feeling betrayed? Jeolosy is understandable and should be acknowleged then deleted from your life because it's distructive. It would help if you knew what the real issue is so it can be resolved. Counseling might help. It would seem once you've done that you have nothing but opportunity to gain. You will always be the oldest in your family, no one can really taking that position from you. Now you have a sister "placement" can become a nonissue if there is the opportunity to build a nother loving supportive relationship in your life. Take the high road always and you won't regret it. Yes, Mom should have told you sooner but it was very difficult for her. It would be helpful if you knew how difficult but there is no way unless you have lost a child. You can never know the shame she must have felt. Let your feelings about this situation be known, find out what they are first. Try to have compassion for your mom and be open to a relationship with your sister. It is hard for all involved and all involved should acknowlege that.
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