[doinit4me]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I've been thinking about the letter(s) I've written to her for the past few days. I wrote one which is a little more informative about my history...nothing extreme, but a little more information...and one which is a little shorter with more of the "background" informaiton left out. It's hard. I was talking with my dh and he's right. The longer I hold onto the letter, the more I'll "tweek" it and it will never get out.

The first letter I'd written mentioned that I knew about my brother and how I'd like to have a relationship with him. Of course, that was before I'd found out that he was passed. Now I'm thinking I shouldn't mention him at all to her at this point. I think a lot of my finding her was also based on the fact that I was looking for him too. I hope that doesn't sound bad. I've just looked forward to meeting him for so long. I have one brother in my adoptive family who I really have nothing in common with. He's alot like my adoptive father...both of them were/are hard to talk to unless it's about cars or racing. I lost my adoptive father a few years back and I rarely talk to my brother. It's just very akward on the phone. We don't have much to say to each other.

The letter is going in the mail today. I haven't decided which version yet, but if I don't put it in the mail I will just continue to rewrite it. I don't think this is a letter I will ever get to that "perfection" state. I don't think there is a perfect way of writing it. It is what it is. Like my dh said...at some point you are going to have to be straight forward and tell her that you think you're her daughter and there really is no easy way of putting that.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for your responses. I have a plaque on my wall above my computer that states: The past cannot be changed, but the future is whatever you want it to be. I can't go back in time and do this sooner but I can try and start a new relationship with my bmom.

Thanks again,
Lori