[Barksum]

What we've found to help "calm" foster children down and that works well with all kinds of issues, whether they be physically or emotionally based, is to have a very strictly observed routine. By routine I mean: FIRST: you wake up SECOND: go potty THIRD: wash face FOURTH: brush hair FIFTH: eat breakfast, etc. etc. A schedule is ruled by time whereas a routine is ruled by steps. One must do the steps of a routine, no matter what TIME you get up. Schedules (the ones ruled by the clock) may be too overwhelming for kids -- or parents, for that matter!

If you are training a child in a new routine sometimes it helps to make a tape of yourself giving the child a directive and then sing a song or play a song that allows the child enough time to complete the task. Then give the next step and play another song. This is good for children because it is cheerful, there is no arguing with a tape (!!) and they can establish a habitual process quickly. This can help for a child with neurological deficits, too, because if need be you can use the tape forever.

The other thing to keep in mind with learning new routines is to keep directions concrete and short. Only give one step at a time, and keep it short! They won't hear past the first few words and you'll both end up frustrated. It may seem silly, but when you remember that children who've had the trauma of a move to a new home often have difficulties with processing directions, particularly if given too many at a time, it makes sense. Even if they are 15 and should be able to do it. Start small and work up to where they plateau. Since your little girls are 5 and 3 they most likely won't go past the one directive at a time for a while.

I'm sure you will be working with your pediatrician and other professionals to address their various needs, so I'm not going to try to guess what would work for each situation. (LOL!!) This routine business is just something that we've found works well to give a stable base to jump off from. It won't be a magic bullet, but it helps in that you will be able to let any dr's or therapists know that you've got this going to start with.

As to discipline, be consistant. Always keep in mind that the word "discipline" is not synonymous with "punishment"! Discipline is training -- so routines are a discipline that we train ourselves to maintain. Rules are what we discipline ourselves to follow. With the 5 yo you may be able to sit down and say, "If you hit someone the consequence is that you will have a timeout (or whatever)." You can keep a chart (kids need things to be concrete) and when she hits someone, go to the chart which lists infractions and consequences, and say, "This is what you did, this is the consequence." Again, it's hard to argue with the paper, and it is concrete. This type of chart can also be kept for when they do the right thing. "Oh, look Janey!! You got up without complaining when I called you!! Let's see what our chart says about that." You can get creative with rewards, but don't get elaborate. Keep it simple and the kids will appreciate it more. (homemade coupons for extra stories at bedtime, etc.)

Ok, I've nattered on for too long, but you get the idea. Keeping things as routine as possible, in a concrete and simple way, works well with the types of issues most children deal with in daily life. Whether they are foster children or not! LOL