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Phobias
Phobias..
I have a doctor phobia.. Its been with me for a long long time.. I need to go this week.. and am triggered.. big time..
I have not been sick and am in pretty good shape.. I need my pills.. my blood pressure pills..
When I was pregnant and unwed and unable to cope I had to go to the doctors filled with shame.. And for a period of time my mom sent me into doctors offices to ask if they could find someone to help me with a safe abortion.. this was before Roe vs Wade..
It was horrible.. then we found a doctor that was willing to do it and I went into that office for the pre abortion check and he abused me.. I will not go into details..
I left that office and stood in a line and fainted.. The one time in my life that I have fainted..
(please note I made a decision (one of my first that went against my mom) at that time to not abort)
Then after all the birthing and relinquishing and non recovering had gone down.. I went on with my life.. married and got pregnant..
I had to (again) go and see a doctor and I had to think on whether I would tell him about my first born.. shhhhhh said my mom..
Always behind the eight ball always full of bad thoughts unsaid thoughts wrong thoughts..
Can anyone add their knowlege to this? I need help to sort my phobia about doctors..
Jackie
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