[Isabo]

Originally Posted by Oceans

When you “matched” with an emom, did you feel like you should interview her?
Or consider if you would want her presence in your life and what that meant?

I find the implications of this question to be very interesting in relation to their impact on the child. My apologies if someone has already raised this, as I have not yet read all the responses.

It seems to me that if the prospective adoptive parents and the expectant parents are a good personality fit with each other, then the child is more likely to have a better personality fit with the adoptive family than might otherwise be expected. I say this based upon my own experience only. I relinquished during the closed adoption era, and I was not allowed any input whatsoever as to whom my son's parents would be. They were VERY GENERALLY described to me by the agency worker. There was no room for negotiation or what ifs. It turns out that the adoptive parents are NOTHING like me and only somewhat like my son's first father. My son is very like me in personality and IQ (Everyone in my family leans toward intellectual pursuits. I was at the top of my class in high school and college, and I have earned Bachelor, Master and Doctorate degrees). Education is very important to me.

My son shares these characteristics. His adoptive family is very different and has a very different focus. As a result, he has only received a high school education and was only lightly supported in his intellectual pursuits. He has always struggled to fit in. Just as I would have little insight into how to raise and nurture a very talented athlete, my son's family had little insight into how to raise and nurture a very intellectually gifted child. In fact, since they had NO idea about my or my family's abilities, they had no idea that they should be focusing on this early in my son's development. It seems to me that if emphasis would have been put on matching the personalities and talents involved, my son would have felt as if he had more in common with his adoptive family and would have shared some similar talents with them.

All in all, I think both sets of parents, expectant and prospective adoptive, should try to match based upon common interests, hobbies AND intellect, where possible.