|
Happy and Louise, It sounds like you are both in very painful places, and that you feel terrible every day. That's a terrible way for all of you to live. And consider how hard it is for these kids, probably knowing exactly how you feel about them. Louise, of course she carefully measures each thing in the home. She's lost everything.
And Louise, sometimes people are stupid. OF COURSE you're a huge part of the equation!!!!!!! You're the mom raising her!!!!
So! The kids have very little choice in the matter, but YOU DO! First, I would strongly suggest that you find a counselor to talk to. For you. You need someone to vent to who can listen to you vent, understand your frustration, then give you a push to get onto the next part of loving these girls.
The next thing I would do is find a way to bond. Do you have a common interest? If not, get one. You need to find time and space to do something just with the child, that belongs just to you. You both have other kids and husbands. Leave the other kids with Dad and you and the girl go out and do something fun. Make an appointment. Make it such an important appointment that nothing can get in the way. NEVER take it away as punishment.
Then try to list for yourself things that are cool about her. Mention them to her. Even if it's something really simple and small. Or better yet, mention things you like about her to other people, while she can hear you.
It's hard, and it's hard work. But you have the opportunity to change your families and be happy.
With much love, Kathryn
|