[kat2560]

As I was reading all the stories on here, I was thinking of what I could tell my son. I relinquished my rights to my son when he was 10 yrs old. I remember the day I was at the court house and he begged me to come home, he told me to tell the judge he promised not to give me anymore problems. My heart broke at that time. I am a grateful recovering drug addict. I have almost 10 yrs clean. When I made the decision to relinquish my rights, no one told me that I would hurt so bad. No one said there would be a hole in my heart for so long. My son turned 18 last June, I started looking for my son on his birthday. I was told by the state that they contacted his adoptive parents with my personal information, it was up to them when I could have contact with him. It's been almost a year since I have heard anything else. I am looking everywhere that I can, I hired a private investigater to help find him, but no luck! The state really hid him from me. The state of Kansas is supposed to be an open record state, but they sealed my son's records and won't help me find him. When I do and I talk to him, I want to tell him that I Love him, I always have loved him. I have a daughter that was taken away from me at the same time, she is only 15yrs old they were both adopted by the same couple. My family say's that is probably why they won't let me have contact with my son. I wish I could tell my son that I loved him when he was born, and I will love him until I die. I feel that way about both of my children. Well that is all for now, I am getting to emotional, kat2560