DH and I are cc & had 2 bio kids when we offered to adopt the baby of a 13 yr old rape victim who was planning to abort because the clinic staff told her "no one will want a bi-racial rapist's baby". Sadly, older members of my family had inherited racist beliefs...mostly a generational thing. Sigh. We decided to be upfront and tell them we were adopting a bi-racial child to let them get used to the idea. We were fully prepared to remove ourselves from family events if they couldn't control themselves and their tongues. I found it humorous that in general, to "prove" they are not racist, many CC would say "I work with black people" or "I have black friends". This was generally used before the sucker punch. My family had one basic concern. Hair. This was a major worry for them and they wouldn't ever have to fix the child's hair! LOL!!! I also learned that Halle Berry is the poster child for bi-racial females/children. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard "She is bi-racial? I'll bet she will be beautiful because ALL bi-racial children are beautiful...just look at Halle Berry!" LOL! Halle Berry is pretty stiff competition to live up to no matter what color you are! Anyway, when she was born, to the relief of the family, her hair was soft and curly. THen they began to worry about adoption in general. It was assumed by some and INSISTED upon by one woman that her birth mom MUST have been on drugs. Uh, no. Of course, we got the fear questions about her birth mom coming back, taking her, etc... Once that was discussed and as my daughter got older, we realized she was not hitting milestones. After extensive tests, we learned she has CP from the abortion attempt on her when she was 20 wks. She has epilepsy, requires PT, OT, speech, and behavior therapies along with medications. Now, we are the only people in our family to adopt. We are the only people with a multi racial child/family and now we are the only ones to have a special needs child. The issue of being special needs has been far more difficult for the family to deal with than issues of race and adoption. It is HIGHLY irritating the obnoxious, insulting comments. To the point where I really have distanced myself and my family from certain family members. On person asked me if the problem was genetic and I thought he was being genuinely interested and shared that we had been to genetic specialists and their tests revealed no genetic problems. He asked what we knew about the birth mom and I had been given medical records. He then said, "but you don't know anything about the genetics of the father"...well, NO...it was a rape. So, shortly after he states "I'm a big believer in genetics. My ex-wife and I are from good stock and my kids are from good stock. My grandkids have good genes." Well Hello Hitler! My jaw hit the ground. Then I was told as I was trying to explain why my daughter wasn't responding the way my other kids were that "she is just testing you...I know testing when I see it!" Ok, so I guess ALL those specialists are wrong and YOU know everything!?! I could go on and on about this issue. My daughter gets the look like she is something of disgust. That she should be able to control herself. That we should fix her. That we "can't take her anywhere" (which isn't true, but who need truth when you are dealing with morons?) That I need to "call Dr. Phil or the Nanny" for professional help. I get the distinct impression that people think because my adaughter ended up having medical issues/special needs that I somehow got a "dud"...like when you buy a car and get a lemon. This is MY daughter! I think they forget that anyone could have a bio kid with special needs. I actually had a genetic specialist tell me when he reported that his tests were all negative and after I shared with him her pre-birth medical history, "It isn't a problem that they were performing a 2nd trimester abortion. The problem is that they didn't complete it." EXCUSE ME??? I said, "Well, I'd rather she be delayed than dead." and that was our last visit with that guy. WHO SAYS THAT TO THE MOTHER>>>my daughter was in the room!!!
Ignorant people with mouths are a menace!
I read a quote once: "Better to be thought an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." AMEN.
PS: When sharing my adoption story, a non-cc person contacted me concerning the quote stated by the clinic staff (no one will want a bi-racial rapist's baby). She was upset at me saying "Why did you feel the need to mention that your daughter is bi-racial? Only redneck white christians feel the need to bring up race! I guess that is what you are." She also used some profanity. I couldn't care less what color skin my daughter has. It is my position that God is a master artist. He made all different shades of flower, tree, even grass. The variations are never ending! So naturally, being an artist, His greatest creation...HUMANS...would be of various shades too. All of which are beautiful because the Master created the palette and painted each of us according to His vision. I was particularly upset because I didn't make her race an issue. The abortion clinic staff did. I wanted this baby...I adopted her and am raising her. The clinic staff used her race as a reason for aborting her. And I am the "redneck" (IE racist)??? What does that make them??? I wanted her to live regardless if her skin color!!!!!!! Sad.