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Not every woman longs for children or has an innate desire to be a mother. I never really did either, and like you, didn't play with dolls as a girl or other typically "girly" games like playing house, dress-up, etc. I found babysitting boring, though I did like to get paid! When I was pregnant I thought it would be easy to just have the baby and place him for adoption. In my case, much to my surprise, I DID bond strongly with my child, but I still followed through with my adoption plan because I simply was not ready to be a parent. It was very difficult for me, moreso than I ever could have imagined, however, I have not had other children since and never really felt a burning desire to have more kids. I didn't have the terrible guilt that a lot of bmoms struggle with, but I have had a bit of it, and also missing him very much, and I did grieve the loss, which was especially hard the first year, but for the most part, I was alright with my decision and didn't have any regrets other than really regretting my circumstances. Strangely, for me, it got more difficult as he got older, and now that he's an adult. I think it's because I don't care much for kids, like you, but relate more to teens and young adults. Things can and do get emotional for me, but I don't feel the "hole in my heart" that I've heard a lot of bmoms speak of. If I could turn back time and make the decision again, even knowing what I know now, I believe I would still place my child. I simply wasn't ready to parent and wanted things for him that I could not provide. I was fortunate, however, that it was solely my decision and did not feel pressured from family, bdad, friends, agency, etc.
I would try not to compare myself to other bmoms. If you are content with your decision that is great! I don't think you are surpressing or denying your feelings so I would say enjoy the fact that you are as well-adjusted and OK with this as you.
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