[RavenSong]

Deb, I am sorry that your bmom has told you she doesn't want to know about how you were raised. It sounds to me like she's really afraid of facing her own feelings and coming to terms with the fact that you were abused.

When I first reunited with my son, he had just turned 18 y/o. He hadn't lived in his aparents' home since the age of 14. He had been placed in various psychiatric facilities, group homes, and foster homes throughout his adolescence. So I knew there were some serious problems between DS and his parents right off the bat.

About a year or so into the reunion, it was obvious to me that there had been a lot of emotional abuse in his early childhood. There had also been a fair share of physical abuse involved. I let my son tell me about it on his own timetable, although I did gently question him about it when I could see that he was struggling to tell me. I think he was relieved when I brought the subject up...his emotions and experiences came flooding out of him like a tidal wave.

I really believe it was at that point in time that my son began healing. It was imperative to him that I know what he had suffered as a child. Initially I was overwhelmed with anger and grief, although I was careful not to show it in front of him.

We bmoms here were talking about this subject on another thread about a week ago or so. In that thread, I wrote that I never felt guilty about the actual abuse my son endured. I felt enraged, betrayed by the adoption agency, heartbroken...but not guilty. I was not the one who abused my son. I relinquished him in good faith...a sacred trust. I believed the adults and authority figures when they told me that my baby would be far better off in a two-parent home, with parents who were more mature and financially stable than myself. They told me that he would be loved, protected, and treasured. They were wrong, just plain wrong....

I hope your birthmom comes to a place in her own mind where she can truly listen to you and acknowledge what you went through. I'm so glad that my own son trusted me enough to share his pain with me. I think it's only normal that you want your bmom to know that you've had your own pain, too. Hang in there, kiddo...and give her some time.