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An interesting question. I celebrate 35 years with my "first" husband this year and sometimes my husband jokes that we've obviously done our children a disservice by staying married to the same person all their lives, since so many of their friends have several step-fathers and step-mothers to choose from. I've never seen statistics on marriage linked to adoption however. It would certainly be a good topic for a research paper, or even a doctoral dissertation.
My son's parents are still alive and I think his mom's concern was that he would replace them with me and my family. Two years down the road that has not happened and I think she has become more comfortable with my presence in their lives. It is a journey... I love to watch D's parents with his children (his are very young at this point... except for a 12 year old stepson).
I hope your birthmom answers soon. Both your lives can be enriched so much.
(As an aside, my mom has been dead for 12 years and I still miss her. I wish she could have met D. She was always hurt by his not being in our lives.)
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