Originally when I gave up my first daughter,I was thrilled when the a-parents wanted a completely open adoption. I knew what open adoption entailed,and I was happy at the prospect.
I didn't take the handing her over at birth easy. I know the a parents were absolutely thrilled having their first child to raise. I was always glad to make them parents,but it tore my heart in two at the same time. I was seeing several things go on in the relationship with them that hurt on so many levels.
I would *never* have ripped my daughter out of their hands just to fill the hole in my heart,yet no matter what I said or did I was treated with mistrust. Being able to see my daughter before the adoption finalized was met with stalling and avoidance. I got tired of what seemed like them flaunting the baby to me,without any consideration of what I was going through. I tried darn hard to make our 'friendship' work(for the sake of my daughter)but I truly couldn't stand interacting with the a parents,dealing with my emotions,dealing with their insecurities and oh so much more
The final blow(that really hurt)was finding out they promised an open adoption,but actually signed the adoption papers claiming we never made that agreement. I never found out they did that until the adoption was finalized and I couldn't do anything to change that.
I decided to walk away from the relationship I had with the adopted parents when my daughter was six months old. It took two years of shedding tears and resent to be at peace. Now,I regret cutting of any/all possibilities of getting to know my daughter as she grows up.
