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My Fiancee and being together for eleven years, is an Adoptee. He told me shortly after we started seeing one another, that he was Adopted. He never allowed anyone to get close to him, didn't know how to show love OR affection, feelings, any kind of emotion much at all. Yes, he would say alot of hurtful things to me. I believe he was putting up this wall, fear of rejection. He has been married three times and I will be his fourth wife and his last wife!
During his Search last year, he started to change and he spoke of his feelings, expressing them and being more of an affectionate man. I used to hear, once a year, when he went off to Hunting Camp, that he loved me. Now I must hear it a hundred times a day, since he has been Reunited with his Birth Mom. He certainly is a changed man.
In my experience, I believe that an Adoptee does set up walls between a loved one and themselves, not allowing anyone in, in fear of this rejection and abandonment. He used to say, "that he knew I was going to leave him, like everyone else in his life did." It wasn't true, as he was too much like myself and together we worked through his issues. Now after an eleven year relationship, we are planning on getting married this coming August.
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