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I'm sure it's difficult for your family. There are some books about adoption that it might help your family to understand. I can never quite remember the titles... (obviously I haven't read them, lol) One is The Primal Wound which is about the issues that adoptees face being removed from their families of origin. My personal opinion is that searching for birth family or adoptee is not about leaving your family. It's about becoming a whole person. It has always been my hope that reunion will enrich all our lives.
Your birth mom is my father's age. That was a period of time when women who had children "out of wedlock" (I'm assuming this is the case for you, I may of course be wrong.) were forced by society (and family) to bury to pain and loss so deeply that they can never acknowledge it. I hope that your birth mother can find reunion with you to be healing.
The problem, of course, is that going back to the dad your adult children knew (how old are they?) is not possible. In a way, the genie is out of the bottle and can never be pushed back in. (Any more than a birth mother can ever completely convince herself that she never relinquished a child for adoption.)
I encourage you to keep reading the forums... both adult adoptees and birth parents. Feel free to pm (or im or email) me any time. Are your adoptive parents still alive?
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