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Alynp, It isn't contacting the adult that is disrespectful to me. The OP stated that she wanted to make contact with a birth sibling who she is pretty sure doesn't know she exists so my advice was that she send another letter/email to her birth mom letting her know that she intends to make contact with this sibling thus giving birth mom the chance to tell her child about her placed child, to me this is the respectful thing to do, not only to birth mom but to the sibling.
For me, if my birth son contacted my children before I had told them, I would be hurt. Yes, maybe they should have already known about him, however, no one knows the circumstances around the reasons of them not knowing so a quick note to give her the chance to tell on her own is respectful, IMO. Now, if birth mom still chooses to stick her head in the sand, then by all means I believe the adoptee should go ahead and make contact.
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Michelle
"I have learned that people won't remember what you said to them, they won't remember what you did to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel"
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