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Dear Heather - first off I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I don't think many of us can even imagine what you and your family went through. I am glad to hear that you and your family are moving on and expecting another child. Please do not blame yourself for this tragedy. I have a friend who lost twins at 20 wks and she too wondered if it was something she did. Only God knows why these things happen. Not that it makes it any easier.
I can certainly understand your desire to have another child. I had very easy pregnancies and deliveries, which is why I am considering having another baby. But because I feel so strongly about having a daughter, and my desire to do as you said, read Laura Ingalls and play barbies, I feel the best avenue for me is adoption. My biggest problem is my husband is not sure about this and is happy with two children. I have yet to figure out a way to express my intense feelings about wanting a daughter. I even went as far as to write him a letter as if it was written from our adopted child. That made a momentary impact and then I think he moved on. I guess I can only hope that what is meant to be will be. I am keeping my fingers crossed!
I also feel a very strong pull toward China, though I wouldn't rule out Russia either. I feel that it is the direction I should focus on. Now I just need to get my husband in my court! He was this way when I wanted to have my two boys, if I hadn't said lets do it now we would still be childless. Men can be so stubborn! Thanks again for your response. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy.
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