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Originally Posted by nowwhat1981
Can I, responsibly, do that to him? Is my desire to know him more important than his right to normalcy / his concept of who he is & his family history?
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I certainly admire and appreciate your ethical approach to this situation. You sound like a very thoughtful person.
Here is a different way of thinking about it:
Is it responsible of her (bmom) to make a decision for an adult without his even being aware of it? She has denied him the privilege of a wonderful sister who wants to know who he is. Is
that ethical?
Another thought:
Normalcy is what one decides is normal. In other words - normalcy is a figment of our imagination. Saying that he has a right to normalcy implies that a relationship or even knowledge of
you is not normal. Is that really how you feel?
As for his concept of self and family history - If you were going to do something hurtful or mean to him I think that would make sense - that you could possible damage his sense of self - but that is the problem - what is hurtful and mean about
meeting someone? Also, you wouldn't change his family history - it has already happened - you would bring awareness of his history into his life. Perhaps he has always known something was off with his parents but couldn't figure it out.
As adoptees if we want to be known - what makes anyone (a birth mother in your case) so sure that their other children wouldn't want to be known also?
Again - I'm totally open to hearing other opinions - and do not claim to have a hold on the perfect answers - just taking a little risk and putting some of my deepest thoughts down - would love to hear more about how other's think about this.