[thanksgivingmom]

Hi Tiger, I'm the Thanksgivingmom that Kathy mentioned in her previous post. I am in an open adoption with my daughters Mom and my family do not know I had a child, for it sounds like largely the same reasons as your secrecy: I do not believe that my parents would support my decision to place. I certainly know how the secrecy can complicate things...

I also can really understand your concerns about your childs Mom changing things that you had discussed before the adoption took place. Whether or not they are her parenting decisions to make (birthday parties, etc.) is not the point if I'm reading this correctly. Yes, they are her parenting decisions to make, no one can argue that, but it can be very hurtful to have things changed and know that there is nothing really that you can do about it.

I think Brown gave some great advice - address the issues that are of importance to you, and unfortunately, realize that we have to let go of some things (if for no other reason than that they will drive us crazy if we don't.)

Best of luck to you!