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Mom of 11 yr. old son with RAD and generalized anxiety disorder here. We were given the diagnosis when he was 9 and we too spent many years not knowing what we were dealing with. I tried to do it all on my own until the suicidal threats, self harm, paranoid and extreme fears--the anxiety hit it's all time high and he was physically threatening his sister and myself with pretty extreme measures. He wasn't sleeping and began stealing. His rages lasted for hours and I used therapeutic holds and rocking until he would calm down.
We started with different therapists that our adoption agency recommended. I would only work with someone who understood adoption issues. We found a fabulous therapist in our area. She has made all the difference. DS has worked extremely hard over the last 2 1/2 yrs and you cannot believe the difference!!! He is currently on NO medications as we took the behavior modification route-not to say that he will never have to be on medication, but we have been able to avoid it so far. He had to work extremely hard to get better and we had to do ALOT of learning or changing to make it better for everyone. Family members and friends constantly comment on what a changed child he is. He still has poor eye contact, difficulty in school, needs a completely structured routine--any surprise will throw him into a tailspin, needs to work off physical energy or will have a melt down, and more. He will always be work in progress, but... No more stealing, eye contact is getting better, he initiates some conversation even with extended family, you can see peace in his eyes, even though he falls back into survival mode at times-he is not in a constant state of survival, he socializes at school, he sleeps now and eating has gotten so much better. Best of all--he comes to me for comfort. If feeling safe, he will climb into my lap and initiate physical contact--wanting to be held, or holding my hand-- which is HUGE for him. Touch before would have sent him into a RAGE. He is doing SO SO much better.
For DS we started on the anxiety first and worked towards attachment. He spent the first few MONTHS not talking at all. Sometimes they both just sat quietly until he could begin to trust her. You might think it is a waste of time and money, but it was the best thing for him. She just needed to wait him out. Once he realized she wasn't going away he began to open up a little bit at a time. Oh---and she is a family therapist and uses play therapy as a major tool.
Feel free to PM me with any questions. Good luck on your journey. I hope you find the right thing that works for your family!!
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