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Blow off the people who judge you. They haven't walked in our shoes.
We've been through three disruptions, all of them about twenty years ago. It gets easier over time, although for me the guilt will never go completely away. The first one was our oldest daughter, fifteen at the time. She was threatening the rest of the family in ways I'm not sure we completely understand even now. We had to place her in foster care and lost track of her when she turned eighteen.
The other two, a brother and sister who were part of a sib group of five, were eventually diagnosed with FAE and myriad other serious problems.
We were not equipped to deal with the massive problems these three presented, particularly since we had five other kids with various significant problems, too. We were simply overwhelmed and under-trained. We have re-united with the youngest of the three in the past three years, and realize we absolutely did the right thing to let her and her brother go.
Good luck in your new quest for adopting, and a pox on the house of your former friend who promised to be supportive and then back-stabbed you. Someday, you will have the child who is really meant for you.
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